Oh dear...
Another paradigm shift.
1) I'm not becoming "religious," "observant," or crazy(er). I'm simply accepting a gift. A metaphor, of which I am rather proud of being the progenitress, goes as follows:
If someone wants to give you a huge pile of gifts, they can do it one of two ways. They can give you all of them at once, resulting in the pile either crushing you into a pancake or collecting dust in a broom closet. They could also choose to give them to you one at a time, thereby letting you enjoy unwrapping them and take your time integrating them into your life. "Please, sir, can I have some more?"
2) Rabbi Manis Friedman
When orthodox women go to medical school, they touch men. It is a part of their job. The same goes for orthodox men, which is why everybody likes to use the example of the orthodox male gynecologist (seriously, there is one in New York City, or so they say). And the same goes for dancers. Touch between men and women is a part of the job.
Dance is not spiritual. It is just dance. A sculptor takes a block of marble and chips away at it until it becomes a statue. A singer uses her voice to produce a song. The sculptor is taking something mundane (a rock), and gives "life" to something hidden because he has talent. The singer puts breath into her body and her talent makes that music beautiful. Anyone can throw paint at a canvas, but a talented painter can make you think you're looking out of a window. These talented people may enjoy revealing beauty in the mudane (hopefully), but they are not praying.
Talent is just the bridge between ordinary and extraordinary. The dancer takes her body, gives it breath and because of her talent (and years of hard work and obsessive dedication), the result is extraordinary. I don't "have" to dance; I "want" to dance. That's why I keep saying "but I'm not confused when I enter the studio." That's because it is a job. I mean, I did say I wanted to dance professionally...
That being said, even at a wedding we're not elevating sparks. Hashem is not carrying us around the bride. We want to dance. We are not compelled to dance. Both Giselle and Victoria Paige were emotionally unstable.
While I don't have the capacity to become a tzadik (I can and have eaten unwashed and unelevated strawberries. gasp!), I do have the capacity to become a benoni, as do we all. So I have a talent. It's ok to use it as long as I do so in ways that are respectful toward my physical body and the world around it. I can dance in the secular world and still be a good person who is choosing not to transgress.
(*Warning* Rant on SYTYCD coming up...)
I may even have the opportunity to curb some of the vulgarity in the dance world. (I mean, "So You Think You Can Dance" was more like "So You Think You Can See My Crotch" this year. There were at least 10 slow motion side splits per episode. Those cameramen must have had a great time.) Intentional "vulgarity" used to make a statement (Michaelangelo is not considered a pornographer) is one thing, but "being sexy" is not the same as being objectified. One is a choice by the performer and the other is imposed by the viewer. The viewer can never know performer intent, but the choreographer can define the context in which the performance can be viewed. (Of course, in the case of SYTYCD, the choreographers are at the mercy of the producers, who are at the mercy of FOX television, who are is at the mercy of millions of viewers, who are at the mercy of the Hollywood aesthetic, etc... Would the guys have done better in the finale if they'd been wearing speedos? Boxers may have been a big deal for Tadd, but bras and bikinis were the standard uniform for the ladies. Wait a minute... didn't Nigel all but force Caitlyn to sexually mature in a matter of weeks on national television? yicko!) Sex sells, but I still find barely covered crotches in family television vulgar and something not to be desensitized about. Sadly, we get used to this in the dance world. Maybe I should go comment on a NYTimes article. Ok now I'm going to be held accountable... oy vey... tikkun or crazy?
***
Conclusion: I'm not being hypocritical by staying in the secular dance world and teaching dance to frum women. When you look at the programing at the venues I'm trying to teach at, there are no dance classes. So I'm still attending to a dearse even as I slowly accept gifts. And the beauty of it all comes from the fact that I am neither teaching men nor teaching someone else to teach them. (Well, not yet anyway...)
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